WALL OF WINNING TWEETS
2 - Cinnamon Raisin Bagel vs Everything Bagel
Cinnamon Raisin is the Shredded Wheat of bagels. Like the regular kind, not even frosted. Fuck outta here with that
3 - Doritos vs Combos
I’d choose carrots before I choose combos
4 - Apple Pie vs Peach Pie
The hell is peach pie?
5 - Chipwich vs Traditional Ice Cream Sandwich
the chipwich hurts my mouth when i eat it. the chips are too hard
6 - Pancakes vs Waffles
Imma just say it.....I HATE pancakes...I will NOT eat pancakes......its like eating a syrup covered sponge
7 - Vanilla Ice Cream vs Chocolate Ice Cream
vanilla hands down for me. vanilla has so much range obvi and beautiful subtleties. thinking vanilla is plain is a noob sense of taste. vanilla makes all of your baked goods better. it is the salt of sweets. vanilla even makes your chocolate better. anyway, vanilla ice cream all the way. vanilla bean goat
8 - Wendy's vs McDonald's
i accidentally voted mcdonalds noooooo
9 - Soup vs Salad
Salad you could put whatever you want in it, anyone that says soup is 75 years old or a serial killer
10 - Bacon vs Sausage
Bacon - I mean look at how that looks when you eat a sausage
11 - Egg Salad vs Tuna Salad
🖤Egg salad says "I'll be in my trailer Mr. Spielberg." Tuna salad says "I'll be in my trailer, propped up on bricks, in the trailer park I live in..."
12 - Peanut Butter and Jelly vs Grilled Cheese
Please tell me Sal is PB&J have disagreed with everything Joe has ever said thus far.
13 - Cantaloupe vs Pears
What kinda monsters are out there voting against pears? How are these results even so close? Cantaloupes grow from alien demon semen.
14 - Buffalo Wings vs Mozzarella Sticks
Mozzarella sticks are the single white mothers of the appetizer/bar food game. As soon as you move out on your own you love them for how hard they tried. Buffalo chicken wings are your first college gf, hot, wild and your drunk most of the time your together.
15 - Sour Patch Kids vs Skittles
Skittles leave me with pain in my stomach and I'd rather have that everyday than that poor excuse for a gummy bear.
16 - Iced Tea vs Lemonade
Hot tea is gross at the best of times, I can only imagine cold tea would be the spawn of Satan.. 🤮
17 - Doughnuts vs Muffins
Anyone who said muffins needs to be evaluated psychologically, or launched into the sun.
18 - Grapefruit Juice vs Cream Soda (worst bev)
My cousin once said that Cream Soda was better than toys.
19 - Froot Loops vs Cocoa Pebbles
chocolate in the morning is a sin to man and one should be ashamed to pick such over a fruity delicious bowl of heaven first thing in the morning. my brother prefers cocoa pebbles to fruit loops and he is a failure to my family, and society. thank you.
20 - Ice Cream vs Cookies
cookies are literally better than christ's flesh. above communion wafers if you will
21 - Burgers vs Tacos
there is only one real taco fast food place and that is the scum that is taco bell. burgers are the cornerstone of america
22 - Apple Juice vs Orange Juice
Chose orange, but only with champagne, Baby!
23 - Snickers vs KitKat
KitKats are almost as bad as real cats
24 - Sno Balls vs Devil Dogs
I had to do a double take because I thought this was a What’s Worse poll. Devil Dogs wins by default because calling Snoballs a “treat” is so insane only DeRosa could come up with it. 🤢
25 - Cheesesteak vs Chicken Parm Hero
Chicken Parm is the food equivalent of returning home after a long trip— cheesesteak is taking the wrong exit and ending up in Gary Indiana
26 - French Fries vs Onion Rings
I would rather shit in my hands and clap twice than eat an onion ring
27 - Sno Caps vs Raisinets
(2 winners)
28 - Lobster Rolls vs Crab Cakes
You can literally get crab cakes at the 99 cents store, stay in y’all’s place for real🧍♀️💀
29 - Fried Cicken vs Ribs
God didn’t ask Adam for a piece of fried chicken to make Eve did he? No, he asked for a rib! Why? Because ribs are superior
30 - Slurpee vs Milkshake
Slurpees are for 12 year olds and under. Any adult drinking a slurpee is also buying a Swisher Sweet and or cigs
31 - Chips vs Pretzels
Pretzels are the snacks a mother buys when she starts loving her new man more than her children… that might’ve got too personal…
33 - Rice Krispies Treats vs S'Mores
As a kid I was molested by a stranger who offered me some s’mores. So I’ll go with rice crispy treats. If your into being molested, by all means go with s’mores.
34 - Spoon vs Fork
i literally see 15 minutes of magic spoon ads in these podcasts, you can’t use a fork for cereal… if you chose fork you are also anti magic spoon
35 - Coffee vs Tea
if you need coffee your life is being held together via silly string and a low credit score. there’s nothing wrong with that but it doesn’t make it better than tea just because you like chaos.
36 - Cheesecake vs Chocolate Cake
Are we serious?! Cheesecake needs a viagra in the form of a sauce, a fruit, or an assistant for its limp dong. Chocolate is motherf*cking chocolate needs nothing just whips it out and takes your mouth to pound town of flavor
37 - Wine vs Beer
Too much wine gives me a migraine, too much beer got me pregnant 3 times …so I guess it’s a toss up 😂
38 - Pickles vs Olives
Olives are horrible. I don't like pickles either, but pickles have never been hidden inside a meatball and made me vomit at a new years party.
39 - Thanksgiving vs 4th of July
theres nothing more traumatic than that fruit sauce white people make for thanksgiving…. ain’t shit grateful about that 😟
40 - Auntie Anne's vs Cinnabon
Cinnabon is for people who want their diabetes to have diabetes
41 - Ketchup vs Mustard
the germans didn't use ketchup gas is all I'm saying
42.1 Tootsie vs Blow Pop
my grandparents always had tootsie pops at their house. i always hated going to my grandparents house
42.3 Sprite vs Coke
as a child i preferred sprite then my balls dropped and i discovered the power of coke
43 - Pizza vs Pasta
is it time we seriously consider putting Joe into an assisted living center if he chose pasta which I know damn well he did
44 - Weed vs Alcohol
No one ever had to pay someone 18 years of child support for getting too high...
46 - Pop Tart vs English Muffin
Was initially thinking pop tarts and thought it was an easy choice. Then sat here for 5 minutes really contemplating it...next thing you know I'm thinking about what I'm doing with my life and how can I be better. This matchup hit deep. Kudos
47.1 - Gum vs Mint
Listening to someone chew a mint has never ended up with the judge saying 25 to life.
47.2 - Boxers vs Briefs
Like boxer briefs? Or like the shit my grandpa wears? Whitey righties? Cuz those are mad gross
47.3 - Nsync vs NKOTB
Backstreet Boys
48 - Peanut M&Ms vs Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
Reeses reminds me of soft dog shit
49 - Halloween Adult vs Child
I enjoy going to a Halloween party as an adult more than walking blocks on end while my parents are getting divorced in the background.
50 - Honey Nut Cheerios vs Cap'N Crunch Crunch Berries with Ari Shaffir
Honey nut is good if the only alternative is a pack of menthol cigarettes
51 - Luke Skywalker vs Han Solo
Since I currently live in Alabama, I have to pick the character that made out with his twin sister. It’s a southern thing..
52 - KFC vs Taco Bell
(2 winners)
57 - Appetizers vs Desserts with Brian Quinn aka Q
Appetizers are lying to yourself that you're not eating an extra meal. Desserts are honest and there for you at your worst.
58 - Joe DeRosa vs Chris Distefano with Brian Quinn aka Q
I don't even know who Chris is and I still pick him over Joe
60 - Christmas vs Birthdays
christmas is depressing the older you get and too much pressure buying gifts for people. for my birthday i only expect you to show up and get litty titty.
61 - Morning vs Evening
waking up in the morning next to your babe to watch the sun rise with a hot cup of tea and a home cooked breakfast is about the best feeling in the world until you actually wake up and remember that you live alone, are out of frosted flakes and FUCK im late to work. fuck mornings
62 - Nachos vs Sushi
what ballpark do you know that serves sushi in a souvenir helmet?
63 - Potato Skins vs Pigs In A Blanket
(2 winners)
64 - Chipotle vs Chick-Fil-A
Chipotle offers more variety, both in the food it offers, and the sexuality it allows it’s customers to have
65 - Shrimp Cocktail vs Egg Rolls
the only thing greasier than an egg roll is joe derosa's hair
66 - Animal Crackers vs Swedish Fish
Oh boy! solidified sawdust in the shapes of what someone thinks animals look like, or jelly robitussin sardines. I cant decide!
67 - Ham & Cheese vs Corned Beef on Rye
corned beef reminds me of how my grandmother looks and smells. my grandmother is deceased.
68 - Nutella vs Honey vs Peanut Butter with Mark Normand
honey is a byproduct of life sustaining animals. nutella's a byproduct of a drunk italian dentist ponzi scheme.
69 - Cannoli vs Eclair with Matteo Lane
i’d drag my nuts over broken glass for a single bite of a cannoli
70 - Chicken Fingers vs Hot Dogs
when I eat hotdogs I don't like talking about it
72 - Fudge Stripe Cookies vs Fig Newtons
I can see derosa eating figs staring into his ditch and it’s depressing
73.1 - Ranch vs Blue Cheese
Bleu Cheese: for when you’ve got nothing left to lose
73.3 - Honey Mustard vs Sweet and Sour
If you like honey mustard odds are you haven’t had blood work taken in quite a while.
76 - Steak vs Chicken with Brian Q Quinn
chicken tenders, nuggets, fingers, wings, fried, grilled, baked vs steak red or burnt or with or without bone
77 - Provolone vs Goat Cheese with Emma Willmann
goat cheese is either pretentious or made by a man with only some teeth
78 - Charcuterie Board vs Bread & Butter
I know Joe picked the charcuterie board. Wouldn't be the first time he has had a variety of meats in his mouth at the same time.
84 - Olive Garden vs Outback Steakhouse
I've never been to either - my family had class
85 - Banana vs Strawberry
fredo asked for a banana daiquiri i'm all set on this one
86 - Bagel Bites vs Lunchables with Kevin Ryan and H Foley
the kid who brought bagel bites to school was almost certainly an adult incel
87 - Arizona Iced Tea vs Snapple with Kevin Ryan and H Foley
Anyone who gives out a verbal, “hmmm” after reading a Snapple fact should be thrown into a gorilla enclosure.
88 - Watermelon vs Raisins
I am speechless. To whomever chooses raisins over watermelon, just know that you’re loved and cared for.
91 - McDonalds vs Pizza Hut
McDonalds is sad but Pizza Hut is depressing
92 - Salami vs Prosciutto w Ari Shaffir & Steve Simeone
Salami is for people that don't wear socks with bowling shoes
93 - Pepsi vs Coca-Cola
I'd rather shit in my hands and clap then drink Pepsi
94 - Caramel vs Marshmallow with guest Joe Gatto
I could totally picture Joe standing in a ditch eating marshmellows right out of the bag - not even as a kid - I could see him doing it now on a random Tuesday afternoon
95 - What's Worse - Cream Cheese vs Mayo
I'll eat ass but I draw the line at cream cheese
96 - Star Wars vs Back To The Future
Back to the Future all day cause a guy almost fcking his mom is way cooler than a guy almost fcking his sister
100 - McDonald's Filet-O-Fish with Tom Scharpling - Yay or Nay
Here’s a list of things people who order the Filet-O-Fish also like:
- Condoms
- Math
- Saying, “I had fish for lunch” after eating a Filet-O-Fish
- Rudy Giuliani
- The cuts of their own jibs (and nobody else’s)
101 - What's Worse: Almond Joy vs 3 Musketeers
they put joy in the name because it's nowhere to be found in the candy & 3 musketeers can walk right into that ditch joe loves so much
103 - Salmon vs Pork Chops with @chrisdcomedy
salmon reminds me of derosa's sister's pu**y
105 - Casseroles vs Salads w/Dan Soder
cASSeroles
106 - Cauliflower vs Carrots
Cauliflower looks the the ghost of broccoli, and I'm here for it!
107 - Red Sauce vs White Sauce with Ian Lara
if the choice is between cum and blood
108 - The Trial of Truffle w Krystyna Hutchinson & Corinne Fisher
any food a pig would sniff out I'm not gonna eat
109 - Crumb Cake vs Carrot Cake
I'd rather cut out and eat my own dirty asshole than carrot cake
110 - Brunch vs Happy Hour
haven't been to happy hour since Walmart required me to complete AA in order to keep my job
112 - Burrito vs Lasagna
are twinkies a burrito? asking for a friend
115 - Trail Mix vs Beef Jerky
Trail mix feels too much like reaching under the couch cushion for a snack.
116 - Subway vs Jersey Mike's subs w/Aaron Berg
I’d put a meatball sub against any fast food restaurant
118 - Gummy Bears vs Nerds
if there is an adult arguing for Nerds as a good candy they need to put on a watch list and go door to door anywhere they move so people know what they are dealing with.
119 - Breakfast vs Lunch Vs Dinner with Mike Finoia
my wife’s boyfriend likes breakfast so i’ll go with dinner
120 - Hi-C vs Capri Sun
V8!
121 - Hummus vs Onion Dip
hummus reminds me of 9/11
122 - Chocolate Milk vs Strawberry Milk
I had no idea Strawberry milk existed until 3/29/23 at 12:46 pm
123 - Mario vs Sonic vs Donkey Kong with Sam Tallent
my wife cheated on me with both an italian man and a giant gorilla. i vote sonic.
125 - Milkshake vs Root Beer Float
the adults here choosing root beer float are the same people who refer to high school as the ‘best time of their lives’
126 - Octopus vs Oysters
This is like picking
Shit or
Shit with suction cups on it
127 - Popcorn vs Cheese Doodles
Getting the inner piece of popcorn stuck on your tooth and unable to remove it is probably how Sal feels debating Joey D.
Cheese Doodle for the win BUDDIES! 💛
128 - Eggplant Parmesan vs Stuffed Mushrooms
this is like asking if i'd rather eat puke or shit.
129 - Butterscotch Candy vs Peppermint Candy
Peppermint candy= Christmas. Butterscotch candy= funerals. Peppermint all day
130 - Pen vs Pencil
The pen is mighter than the sword.
The pencil is literally a number 2.
131 - Bacon & Eggs vs Breakfast Cereal
Since it’s pride month I’m gonna go bacon and eggs cause pork, hog, cock, eggs come outta the butt, squealing, etc.
134 - Whipped Cream vs Chocolate Syrup
Chocolate syrup is baffling to me as a fat slob
How you can take something as good as a chocolate bar and transform it into this disgusting mess of a dessert topping...
It's basically a tragedy you can buy
135 - Grimace vs Barney
I have to go with Grimace. Barney would listen to Chrissy Chaos, but Grimace would be a huge Taste Buddy.
137 - Dark Meat vs White Meat with @marknormand
I like my meat like I like my women, dark and juicy, not dry and asking for a manager
138 - Adulthood vs Childhood with Rick Glassman
I didn’t have any creepy priests telling me to sit on their lap in my adult hood so I think I’ll go w that
145.2 - Best French Fry Tournament Part 1 - Traditional Fries vs Sweet Potato Fries!
In order:
149 - Shake Shack vs Burger King w/Rob Iler
Why dine in a shack when you can dine with a KING
158 - Baked Potato vs Potato Salad
potato salad is shit from a butt
172 - Mom vs Grandma
why would you do this to us?
176 - Big League Chew vs Candy/Gum Cigarettes
Even though they were candy, you still checked to make sure you weren't putting the "hot" end of the cig in your mouth.
177 - Dad vs Grandpa
this is my dad so you do the math